If you want to find new love, reignite your love or heal your love here are some tips to take in to the new year as resolutions.
Relationship tips for singles
1. First things first. Be happy in yourself and in your life. A relationship won’t fix you. Try an adventurous holiday, a change of career, a coach, a counsellor, or all of the above!
2. If you are happy in your self and yet to find someone that is right for you, then get clear on what you want. Make a list of your non-negotiables, your own needs, your hopes and your fantasies!
3. Ready with your list? Get pragmatic. Ask out aloud where to meet people who meet your criteria (ask your friends, family, anyone – make it like fun, sexy detective work!) Go there. Meet them.
4. Now you know what you want, don’t mess about. If they don’t meet the basic criteria, they don’t get a look in. Don’t waste time on second-rate happiness.
5. Be yourself, flaws and all. Don’t try to be what you think they want you to be. It’s to confusing, self-defeating and unsustainable over time. If it’s going to be last you want it to be easy for you.
6. Once you are in a relationship, work at it! Don’t expect everything to magically work itself out forever after. Real love is about committing to make it work. Sometimes this feels like hard work, but it’s worth it!
Relationship tips for couples in conflict
1. Be nice. You can be angry at a person and still love them. The critical thing is to put the love first and the anger second.
2. You have an emotional bank account that you need to keep balanced. The trick is to make A LOT more deposits of good feeling than withdrawals of bad feeling.
3. No matter how you feel always turn towards your partner. Show them that you are THERE for them.
4. LISTEN to your partner. If your partner says “you don’t understand”, then repeat their words back to them word for word until they say “yes, you’ve got it.” You haven’t listened until the other person feels heard – make that your priority.
5. COMMIT to making your relationship work. This is an inner commitment to yourself that is only later reflected in your words and actions.
6. Say “YES” first and then qualify it. “Yes we can go to your mother’s for dinner. First I need to get some work done and then I need to know we have a shared plan of how we handle it.”
7. The two NEVERS: 1. never say “never”, “you never do the dishes!”; 2. never say “always”, “you always leave your clothes on the floor”.
8. If you get too hot under the collar to control your tongue, then walk away. Always say, “I am coming back, we will finish this conversation.”
Relationship tips for increased love and connection
1. Make time for yourself to be yourself doing what makes you feel good and alive. Of course, the more children under 5 that you have the harder this can be, but the more value that it has.
2. Give your partner time to themself, doing what makes them feel good and alive.
3. Make time for the two of you to be together. The more creative the better, take it in turns to plan something special “date-like” experience of the two of you just being together at least once a month. A long-walk, a weekend away, a drive in the country, a night on the town.
4. Now you’ve got the time, talk about IT! Only you know what IT is. IT is the thing you think about, but aren’t talking about. Stress, worries, sadness, disconnection, fears. Talk about IT.
5. Ask about IT! What do you like? What don’t you like? What makes you happy?What makes you feel loved? What makes you feel sexy? What leaves you feeling upset or disappointed? What can I do? How can I help?
6. Your foreplay starts now! Every moment is a moment for connection. A call, an email, a text message, a touch, a glance, a soft and loving word, a song, a small gift, a cup of tea, doing a chore they would rather not do.
7. Keep up the foreplay. If the sex doesn’t come straight away, don’t be disappointed. If you keep showing the love, you will get the love.
8. Plan ahead. Look at the calendar together and get a shared understanding of how the year looks for each of you. When will you make time for each other? When will you most need one another?